I failed a lot, and that is ok!

This year was extremely hard for me. I tried to keep track of this year better by keeping a planner like I used to when I was younger.

I bought all the things I would need to keep a Travelers Notebook planner, and for a while I did a good job!

As the year continued I grew more and more dissatisfied with the Travelers Notebook, and by July I had completely removed it from my purse and it had taken up residence on my dresser. Every day I look at my beautiful Mellonjournal personalized Fabridori covered Travelers Notebook and I feel like I failed at the simple task of keeping track of what I did each day. I have thought about it a lot and I think that my problem is that the TN wants me to be too in charge of how I keep track.

I am going to try again next year, but I am going to try a new format. My dream format to try next is an Erin Condren Life Planner. I like that the monthly calendar for each month is at the beginning of that months weekly/daily pages. Less flipping from section to section that way! The hardest part for me is picking which gorgeous cover I want and bringing myself to pull the trigger on that price tag. I know I easily spent that much trying different things with my TN this year, but I have a harder time spending lots of money on myself all at once than I do spending a lot in little bits here and there.

These are the two covers that I am leaning towards. I think both are very me. Both options would end up with the vertical layout in the Neutral color scheme. Both would end up with a black coil.

So that is my planner/life organizing failure for the year.

Then there is my failed reading goals for the year. I set myself a goal for a book a week. I read less than one a month. I know that my biggest problem with reading is that I hate doing it in little snippets. I want to sit and read for hours at a time, and that is often not possible due to being a mom to 5. At night once they are in bed I feel bad for reading instead of spending what little time I get with my husband. Here is my year of reading according to Goodreads.  I feel a lot worse about this than I should because I have acquired enough new books this year to almost have finished my reading challenge… all the books that came in my OwlCrate subscription and a *few* more I found myself purchasing at Barnes and Noble. My name is Jaclyn Bailey and I am a book and yarn hoarder.

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Heartless was probably my favorite read of the year.

Another goal failure for this year was my knitting/crocheting goals for the year. I wanted to complete 4 small projects or one large project worth of work every month. I have 8 completed projects total and 6 WIPs! Not my best year as a knitter/crocheter.

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This baby blanket I have been crocheting for a friends baby is probably one of my favorite things I have made this year, and it isn’t even done yet! I got it mostly done and then proceeded to lose all of my darning needles. I really do need to pick it back up and get to work on it again…. I just haven’t.

My last big goal I failed at this year is my weight loss goal. I wanted to lose weight this year. I am big enough that I qualify as morbidly obese. I am not ashamed of my weight since mine was come by honestly due to 85% health issues and only 15% bad eating proportions. I know that losing weight would help some of my pain issues, but I hurt too bad to do much more than barely function most of the time and strenuous activity typically leads to days of recover afterwards. It is getting to be enough of a problem that I am considering medical intervention, but there is no way I will do that while we are still on Medi-Cal. I just don’t trust that system enough since I am still trying to get diagnosed with whatever caused my stroke.

 

You know what though? I am ok with all of this. I spent a ton of quality time with my kids. I got myself completely out of my wheelchair. I only spent 1/3 of my year bedbound as opposed to last year where I was bedbound 3/4 of the year. I have helped Owen get through a personal slump and into a job that will help him achieve his goals for his own career and his goals to support is family. I got out there and lived my life the best I could with the cards I had in my hand and that is ok. A new year will start soon and I chose to look at it as a fresh start to try harder and achieve better! Maybe I will even stop finding excuses to not blog! One can hope!

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